Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
