You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
