the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
