I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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