Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
