It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
