I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
