You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
