I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
