your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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