so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Found the puke drawer
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
