He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
