And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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