i need an iv and a liver transplant
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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