That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
