They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
