Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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