Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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