eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
