just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
