only you would photoshop your dick
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
