I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
