how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
