There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
