i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
