Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
vagina is talking i cant
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize