He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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