Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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