So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
