Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
