Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
home. puking in laundry basket.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
