its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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