I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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