I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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