The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
