Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
