Betty ford says i'm here all night
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
