I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
