I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
