You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
