you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
