why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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