Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
