Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize