I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
