The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
