I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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