you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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