my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
