Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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