So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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