i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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