I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
