dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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