ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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