It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
