I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
did i walk over a car last night?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
