she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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