4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
