making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
