Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize