yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
