going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize