Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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