Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
