actually, I'm a sock model
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
