SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
