I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
