We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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