ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
