When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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