so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize