The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
