Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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