The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize