I'm laying in your front yard are you home
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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