Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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