She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
