for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
