i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
