I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
