That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
