In the future we'll all be gay
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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