You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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