i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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